I Present to you...Baby Blob!

Okay, I have been FREAKING OUT about the scan and the past week has taken its toll on me.

We went yesterday and we were both a nervous wreck!

It didn't help I was crazy stressed anyways because my new car (which I had to buy even though we cant afford it because my old one was "dangerous") failed its m.o.t and needs a few hundred pounds of work doing!!

Anywho...We were stressed and nervous, and went to the clinic for the scan.

My midwife is lovely and seemed anxious for us and was being very supportive.

We went in and explained to the sonographer what happened previously n then she just got on with it.

At first we saw the sac, and I saw a little something inside it - so after last time, and after watching a million sonogram/ultrasound videos on you tube  This was very exciting for us, but we were still waiting to hear off her.

So they asked me about my dates and worried me a little when they said it was measuring small - I said I should be 7 weeks and 4 days today and she measured up and said oh....its actually measuring 7 weeks and 3 days....YIPPIE! 

I was so panicked that :
A. there would be nothing there.
B. If there was something there that they would be like HALF the size it should n have stopped growing or
C. I there was a baby there the right size that there would be no heartbeat.....

So She tried to then find the heartbeat, and struggled a little - After prodding me SEVERELY she found the flutter and it looked strong.

She then showed us the screen and pointed out the womb, and the embryonic sac and the yolk sac and the baby and the heartbeat.

A nice complete set :)

I couldn't believe it!! 

Here is my little Blob - It's not the best quality, but the photo is clearer and the scan was even clearer than that!! 

I asked what size the baby was - was it 11 mm or 10 mm? not possibly 12 mm and she said bingo - 12.1 mm - Then she jokingly offered me a job because I knew what I was looking for and was so prepared!

They printed our picture and we got up thanked everyone and went and sat in the waiting room to go over my file.

My best friend was there and  I showed her the picture instantly and told her everything was fine - She was SO excited for us!!

Of course I explained to the midwife we are really really happy , but we cant totally relax until after the 12 weeks, and she said... oh darling don't be silly, you won't relax until that baby is in your arms! 

She said You will feel better and you will learn to deal with each day but you're a mother now, and mothers always worry!

Shes such a little star :)

Anywho, Im really glad I have good news to tell, and hope to give :)

We told my family and they were ecstatic for us. 

We are just now waiting another 4 weeks until our 12 week scan!

THEN we will know for sure we are doing okay! :)

The midwife is coming round next week to sort out some things and sign us up properly and then the waiting game begins!

I will of course update you and be keeping my fingers crossed!!

- Rosebud 

The waiting game

This should be a short post.

I just needed to get some stuff out.

Right now I am impatiently waiting my scan, which is a week today.

All i keep thinking is that it's going to happen again.

I am feeling really rejuvenated and refreshed and energized, and that's making me really confused and upset because I shouldn't be feeling like this.

Im not even nauseas anymore and my boobs aren't as tender and Im not cramping much and i don't feel like an emotional wreck (apart from all this) I mean im not crying randomly anymore.

I just keep thinking....loss of all pregnancy symptoms at 6 weeks....is not good!

I mentioned this to my boyfriend last night in an off the cuff remark something along the lines of...."yeah, well It's not like I even feel pregnant, so im probably not" and he flew off the handle. He got upset and angry - which he does when hes upset.

I know I should be being strong and brave and I shouldn't worry until next week, when we know, but I cant help it. All I'm doing right now is worry.

I know I said I would be positive and be cautiously optimistic but right now, im not feeling it.

I just need to know, I just need to be reassured or find out the truth one way or another.

At least we will know soon rather than waiting until 12 weeks. even if everything goes well at this scan, the wait between 8 weeks and 12 weeks will be a long wait.

I feel like I've been waiting for years already. 

I really need good news on Tuesday.

Please cross your fingers for me. Im definitely crossing mine.   

- Rosebud

Scans!

Okay,

So since the last post I decided to share my blog online with the Reddit ladies on TFAB and BabyBumps.

I've been lucky yo have quite an increased number of views, and would hope that I have reassured someone or made someone feel a little better if they are in the same situation as I am.




Personally, since my last post I have contacted our community midwife service, and I was very fortunate to have been assigned the same lady as last time.

She was very helpful and very happy for us, and straight away asked us to go for an early scan anytime from 6 weeks.

The only space the clinic had available would be when I am 7 weeks and 4 days, so it would be perfect timing to see the little squidge.

We are still crossing our fingers, We are fully aware that we may have a perfectly healthy and normal scan, but before the 12 week mark something else could go wrong, because we don't know at what stage the last pregnancy stopped growing. We know I miscarried at 12 weeks, but they were unsure as to the timing of when it stopped forming.

Although I am actually feeling really positive, and I can't explain why, I just have a really good feeling about this pregnancy. My best friend said the same, last time we were both thinking something bad was going to happen, but this time its different, and we are very positive.

But the fact we are getting an early scan has slightly calmed my nerves a little. But as I have said a million times, I can't get my hopes up, all I can do it be as healthy as possible and do all the right things and give this our best shot and STAY POSITIVE no matter what.

Another development is that my best friend (who I don't think I have really mentioned much) is trying for a baby.

She started trying in January after my miscarriage - as it made her realise just how much she wanted one of her own, and she also thought she was pregnant around the same time, and was actually very upset when she found out she was not, again giving her the reasurrance that this is something she really does want.

Since then, I have been helping her, (Even though sometimes it was hard to deal with and talk about after my own loss, I love this girl n she would be happy for me no matter what) by advising her on timing and opk's and pre natels and such.

but sadly she has not had any luck, I know 4 months isn't long to be trying conventionally, but this lovely lady has some fertility problems, and after speaking with a consultant (she already had appointments about her ovaries and cycles before she was trying as she has NO cycles for years now) they refused to help her with fertility until she had been trying for a year.

Even then they said they would take a long time to do tests and guess cycles before putting her on something like clomid.

So basically it's not that she needs to have been trying for a year , because how can you try if you don't ovulate, it's that they needed her to WAIT a year.

So let's just say she was not in the best spirits.

Anyways as most of you probably know, there is nothing worse when you are trying for a baby, or having difficulties getting pregnant than your friends being pregnant, and even seeing strangers with their little babies.

So I felt just awful and guilty when she was telling me, n in tears and I could see her pain.

So I sucked it up n told her that we will sort it, and no matter what happens with either of us, WE WILL HAVE OUR BABIES!!

So we sat and talked and formulated a plan to get her on clomid earlier than the doctors will do, as that will solve the only problem she has...no ovulation! So in theory, should give her a cycle and an ovulation AND hopefully....a pregnancy!

 

Anyhow, it's all a complicated game, no matter what point of it you are at.

All me and my partner can do now, is hope and prey (something which I don't normally do as I'm agnostic, but have found myself doing more often) and keep our fingers crossed, and what is meant to be, will be!

Hopefully I will have good news in a few weeks after the scan, so I will update then.

:) Here's Hoping! - Rosebud x

BFP!!!!

Well the title says it all, but I will elaborate.

After the two week wait I was feeling sleepy, and slightly emotional still, and on Friday 29th of April I woke up and had no period!

So I was instantly excited, but cautious. I went about my morning and by the early afternoon nipped out to the shop to get a test and some bits and bobs!

I came home and tried to pee, but my body wouldn't allow it haha so I drank a full bottle of water and waited ten minutes.

After peeing and testing, I went to the kitchen, warmed up some lasagna for lunch and set the timer for over 3 mins....

Once the timer went off, I was so scared to go and look. 

I went to the bathroom and felt a huge weight over my body and felt as If I was moving in slow motion the entire time.

I looked at the test - expecting nothing like the test from early February or if I was lucky a VERY faint line like last time.

I was SO shocked when I saw a strong positive line!!!

It wasn't even morning time, when your urine is the strongest and best to test, and it was earlier than last time I tested - I was 4 days late last time and this time I was a few hours late with a stronger line.

I went into the living room to tell my partner, and simply said...."you must have super sperm because you've done it again!" and walked out to get my now celebratory lasagna! haha

He came in and gave me a huge hug n kiss n kissed my belly.

Since then, we have told my parents, and my best friend only. 

We had a meal with my partners family over the weekend but we decided not to spoil the occasion or to get their hopes up this early. However my (sort of) father in law was asking if we were trying again, and if he was going to be a Grandad any time soon. I simply said, yes we are and yes, we plan to make him a Grandad as soon as possible!

My parents were very happy and cautious and my best friend (despite trying for a baby herself with no luck) was very happy for us. I know how hard that must have been for her.

I don't think this has all sunk in with my partner properly yet, he is still acting as if it isn't happening and keeps saying, we're not there yet, or we don't need to worry about that yet. I think he is being very cautious and probably just the way he is dealing with everything.

I on the other hand am completely a mess.

I am counting the seconds until we get a scan.
Something which the midwife said we wouldn't be entitled to before the 12 weeks as having one miscarriage is not something that has a relevance with the next pregnancy, it doesn't automatically raise the chances of having another miscarriage. In fact getting pregnant within 6 months of a miscarriage or labour actually reduces the chance of miscarriage.


To elaborate on Anembryonic Gestation/Blighted Ovum/Missed Miscarriage I have the example here.

This show the top picture of an embryonic sac, without a fetal pole and/or yolk sac.

The bottom picture you can see the fetal pole/fetus and yolk sac.

At some point during an anembryonic gestational pregnancy the fetus stops growing, due to chromosonal issues it cannot overcome, and then disperses back into the gestational sac and your body may continue to think its pregnant, for me and many other with this condition until it is noticed near or at your first scan at 12/13 weeks.

This is what happened with me, and the top Image A is what my scan looked like.

However the statistics and midwife telling me that there is no reason for this to happen again doesn't stop me from thinking it is going to happen or being petrified of our first scan.

I am joining a community midwife service that we have in my area, and it means when I do have a scan It can be at a small clinic as opposed to the hospital again.

We have been looking at other options for early scans. We can pay and get an early pregnancy reassurance scan for £55 including a dvd of the scan! So that is definitely a possibility to help soothe my mind.

So for the next few weeks, I will be on pins, and praying to feel awful, because everyday I feel sick or tired or emotional I know I am still pregnant.

That's the thing last time, I didn't realise loss of pregnancy symptoms like nausea or cramps or overly emotional outbursts was a sign of Anembryonic gestation or early miscarriage, I just thought I was getting towards the 2nd trimester so I was feeling a bit better!

Anyhow, lets pray and cross our fingers that this is the one, this is it and by Christmas 2013 we will have our baby in our arms! Thats what were positively thinking, and just thankful for the opportunity to try again and that this has happened so quickly for us.

Please wish me luck :) - Rosebud x