Long Overdue Update - 20ish Weeks!

Okay, first of all I am 19 weeks and 5 days pregnant and Due to find out the sex tomorrow!

I have been more than preoccupied and just not found it in me to write since my last post, but I think its time.

Since May we had our 12 week scan, which as you all know I was a nervous wreck about, but it went great!

Here is a pic of our little titch!

During the scan the baby actually measured 2 days further ahead than we thought, so I was 12 weeks and 2 days when this was taken.

Which (seeing as I thought I was only 11 weeks and 4 days then) was a relief that I was past the 12 week mark already without even knowing it :)

So everything with baby looked fine, we cried, we showed everyone, then we told our friends and family (those who didn't already know). Everyone was ecstatic for us.

Most of all after seeing the baby, knowing everything was okay and telling the world, I was happy, felt relieved and could enjoy the pregnancy now!

That lasted a good few weeks haha

After 2-3 more weeks I had an appointment with the midwife where she was going to check the heartbeat with a doppler  as I was only 15ish weeks, she was doubtful, but we got a clear strong heartbeat!

Which eased the anxiety, because as with every check up, I was nervous before that something would  be wrong!

Anywho, everything was fine!

The next check up wouldnt be until the 20 week sex scan.

In between this time, I had fallen ill, my breathing was awful and I was tired all the time, and one morning I coughed up a lot of blood, so went straight to the walk in clinic.

They admitted me straight away and checked me out for a pulmonary embolism (blood clot) 

They did tests and it was scary but I felt better being checked out.

All they found pulmonary embolism wise was slightly elevated marker for a clot but that is normal in pregnancy.

They said I had a severe chest infection and other infections and basically walking pneumonia.

The doctor prescribed me antibiotics and said although I am pregnant, it is worse if I DONT take them.

(It's now been about two weeks since then and I tried to take one or two but haven't done the course, I'm really apprehensive but know I need to!)

Also, We moved home!

We were in a small one bedroomed apartment which was not suitable for me, my partner, our dog and a baby!

Luckily enough we managed to find a house near my parents, in a nice enough area, that will take a dog and young couple expecting, which believe it or not, is not something that is easy to find near my area!

We moved in the beginning of July and are settling in nicely.

There are 3 bedrooms, so baby gets a big nursery and my partner gets a games room! (My idea so I can ship him off there when I want my friends to come around and take over the living room)

It's brilliant so far.

The nursery needs to be styled, its freshly decorated and we don't need to paint, so we will be buying some wall decals and decorations and I think we have decided on a cute circus style for the baby's room.

Bunting and a little big top over the cot, with animals and such! Its bright and colourful and very us!

So at this moment, We are 1 day away from our sex scan.

Tomorrow is the day we find out if it's a boy or a girl.

As I may have mentioned, I would like a boy, Don't get me wrong I will adore this baby either way, but being honest, I would like a boy first!!

Also as I may have said, I previously and currently suffer with sever anxieties and depression. At the moment this is very manageable, but that isn't always the case, so my midwife is watching me pre and post labour for any signs of PND (postnatal depression) or the like.

Now although this is not a problem at the moment and hopefully will not be at all, I am still worried that IF they tell me it is a girl, and my reaction is anything less than they expect, then they will be worried and then watch me like a hawk!!

Now as I said of course I will adore this baby no matter their sex or anything, but I still worry my emotional reaction will be something they would not like.

Again this is just myself worrying, and I have spoken to my partner who has told me not to worry and he knows I will be fine and I am just worrying, so this eased my anxiousness a bit.

We will tell tomorrow though wont we!

Either way i'm nervous and excited for tomorrow.

I still think that I have crushed my baby by sleeping on my tummy, its the ONLY way I can get comfy!

And that something is terribly wrong because i'm not as bumpy as others at my stage! But then again, I'm a plus sized moma and it will take longer to pop!

Saying this, nothing fits me and there is a noticeable bump, so I'm not crazy I guess haha

Here is a pic of myself (forgive the terrible amounts of lumpiness pre and current as I said...plus sized!!) 4 weeks and 16 weeks pregnant!

Flump or Bump? You decide haha

Given that I am almost 5 months pregnant I have still lost 3 kg since getting pregnant! So It can't all be bad!

Anywho, I will try to post sooner with news and tell you all the sex!!

Tinkle or a Winkle....place your bets.

- Rosebudz

11 week freak out!

Okay, It's that time in the pregnancy where I lost the last one. So I freaked out a little.

Last Friday I had some light spotting, and despite in my head knowing women spot sometimes, I went to the walk in centre for an ultrasound.

I honestly explained my symptoms to the docs and said more than anything my anxiety could not last another week for a scan to KNOW everything was okay.

So me and my bestie Pip went to this scan (with it being last minute Danny couldn't get it off work, and we were trying to be positive and he thought It would all be fine anyways!) And everything was, it was fine!

We had a trainee sonographer and an experienced one helping her.
The first thing she did was have a quick scan and within 15 seconds the experienced sonographer said..your baby is fine :)

So i was shocked and relieved and they could enjoy the scan!

They trainee then took some measurements and showed the experienced and then she was on her own and showed me the pic and the heartbeat and the wriggles!!

I couldn't believe it, the baby was wriggling! 11 week, and I know they move but I wasn't expecting that much wriggle hahaha

and the head....THE HEAD WAS HUGE! last time I saw a little blob, but this clearly looked more like a baby.

She said the baby was snuggled right at the back of the womb and she couldn't get a clear pic, but the pics were good enough!

Here is the Pic - the head is on the right and Baby is snuggled/curled up!

                    

                     Here is a quicky 7 week to 11 week comparison!

            Annnd the sonographer took a pic of the baby face on....

       he looks like a little devil with horns and laser eyes!! haha

Anywho, After this I called Danny and told him everything was okay.

Now I feel like I can take on the world, I know it's still early but if everything is okay now im more hopeful for my 12 week scan which is Tomorrow :D

I really feel like I can now get excited for this pregnancy and really enjoy the journey.

So I will be back with my 12 week scan pics later this week.

Then more updated as and when I can :)

It's nice feeling happy instead of scared all the time. I hope you ladies reading this too can feel it with me! 

- Rosebudz

Work, Fighting a Cold and Bump Worries!

Well Since the last post we have been eagarly awaiting the next scan, and just trying to get by one day at a time.

I had my booking appointment with My midwife, and she was lovely as ever.
Took some bloods - and had to go REAL deep to find a vein, which has never happened in my life! I've always been fine for giving blood.

Anywho...

We booked the 12 week scan in for 23rd of May and will go from there.

So now we are scared again, and inpatient and waiting is a bitch!

So Monday this week I returned to work - I work 12 hour shifts - and after about 3 hours I was getting slightly hot and bothered and feeling shakey.

I thought It may be thirst so I drank plenty of water and then still no better I had a bar of chocolate which helped.

I made sure I snacked all day to help.

Then after about 9 hours I felt REALLY ill and felt as though I needed to pass wind!! Very awful, but It felt trapped.

I suffer with this normally, and can take the pain, but I was scared and crying and a mess at work. I left ten mins before my shift ended and went home in tears.

A hot water bottle and a cry helped.

Then the next morning I woke up feeling like I had been hit by a truck.

I had a sore throat, blocked nose, and just felt terrible.

I emailed work and told them I was sick, and at the same time my boyfriend was also sent home from work sick! So we spent the day wallowing and being Ill together.

I have been drinking lots and LOTS of water and getting plenty of rest, and blowing my nose at every possible chance! It seemed to help it pass within a few days and Now I am back in work, although I would very much prefer to be in Bed right now.

Also along with the horrible head cold, I have been VERY uncomfortable for the past 2 weeks.

I normally sleep on my belly, but have been too uncomfortable to sleep like that, and tossing and turning all night and waking up a lot. generally a ratty sleep!

Also to top all of it off, I have been very bloated and had a hard belly, and had constipation for the first time in YEARS!

I was worried my belly bump had shrunk but realise it could just be wind passed or the fact I have now Pooped!! haha

I guess we will just find out on the 23rd! I refuse to by a pregnancy pillow until after the scan.

Until then I am now workin 3 x 12 hour shifts and sleeping in between and hoping the next 2 weeks go very quickly for us!

Uck. Sorry for the lack of positivity, just feel very rundown and in need of a break!

- Rosebud

I Present to you...Baby Blob!

Okay, I have been FREAKING OUT about the scan and the past week has taken its toll on me.

We went yesterday and we were both a nervous wreck!

It didn't help I was crazy stressed anyways because my new car (which I had to buy even though we cant afford it because my old one was "dangerous") failed its m.o.t and needs a few hundred pounds of work doing!!

Anywho...We were stressed and nervous, and went to the clinic for the scan.

My midwife is lovely and seemed anxious for us and was being very supportive.

We went in and explained to the sonographer what happened previously n then she just got on with it.

At first we saw the sac, and I saw a little something inside it - so after last time, and after watching a million sonogram/ultrasound videos on you tube  This was very exciting for us, but we were still waiting to hear off her.

So they asked me about my dates and worried me a little when they said it was measuring small - I said I should be 7 weeks and 4 days today and she measured up and said oh....its actually measuring 7 weeks and 3 days....YIPPIE! 

I was so panicked that :
A. there would be nothing there.
B. If there was something there that they would be like HALF the size it should n have stopped growing or
C. I there was a baby there the right size that there would be no heartbeat.....

So She tried to then find the heartbeat, and struggled a little - After prodding me SEVERELY she found the flutter and it looked strong.

She then showed us the screen and pointed out the womb, and the embryonic sac and the yolk sac and the baby and the heartbeat.

A nice complete set :)

I couldn't believe it!! 

Here is my little Blob - It's not the best quality, but the photo is clearer and the scan was even clearer than that!! 

I asked what size the baby was - was it 11 mm or 10 mm? not possibly 12 mm and she said bingo - 12.1 mm - Then she jokingly offered me a job because I knew what I was looking for and was so prepared!

They printed our picture and we got up thanked everyone and went and sat in the waiting room to go over my file.

My best friend was there and  I showed her the picture instantly and told her everything was fine - She was SO excited for us!!

Of course I explained to the midwife we are really really happy , but we cant totally relax until after the 12 weeks, and she said... oh darling don't be silly, you won't relax until that baby is in your arms! 

She said You will feel better and you will learn to deal with each day but you're a mother now, and mothers always worry!

Shes such a little star :)

Anywho, Im really glad I have good news to tell, and hope to give :)

We told my family and they were ecstatic for us. 

We are just now waiting another 4 weeks until our 12 week scan!

THEN we will know for sure we are doing okay! :)

The midwife is coming round next week to sort out some things and sign us up properly and then the waiting game begins!

I will of course update you and be keeping my fingers crossed!!

- Rosebud 

The waiting game

This should be a short post.

I just needed to get some stuff out.

Right now I am impatiently waiting my scan, which is a week today.

All i keep thinking is that it's going to happen again.

I am feeling really rejuvenated and refreshed and energized, and that's making me really confused and upset because I shouldn't be feeling like this.

Im not even nauseas anymore and my boobs aren't as tender and Im not cramping much and i don't feel like an emotional wreck (apart from all this) I mean im not crying randomly anymore.

I just keep thinking....loss of all pregnancy symptoms at 6 weeks....is not good!

I mentioned this to my boyfriend last night in an off the cuff remark something along the lines of...."yeah, well It's not like I even feel pregnant, so im probably not" and he flew off the handle. He got upset and angry - which he does when hes upset.

I know I should be being strong and brave and I shouldn't worry until next week, when we know, but I cant help it. All I'm doing right now is worry.

I know I said I would be positive and be cautiously optimistic but right now, im not feeling it.

I just need to know, I just need to be reassured or find out the truth one way or another.

At least we will know soon rather than waiting until 12 weeks. even if everything goes well at this scan, the wait between 8 weeks and 12 weeks will be a long wait.

I feel like I've been waiting for years already. 

I really need good news on Tuesday.

Please cross your fingers for me. Im definitely crossing mine.   

- Rosebud

Scans!

Okay,

So since the last post I decided to share my blog online with the Reddit ladies on TFAB and BabyBumps.

I've been lucky yo have quite an increased number of views, and would hope that I have reassured someone or made someone feel a little better if they are in the same situation as I am.




Personally, since my last post I have contacted our community midwife service, and I was very fortunate to have been assigned the same lady as last time.

She was very helpful and very happy for us, and straight away asked us to go for an early scan anytime from 6 weeks.

The only space the clinic had available would be when I am 7 weeks and 4 days, so it would be perfect timing to see the little squidge.

We are still crossing our fingers, We are fully aware that we may have a perfectly healthy and normal scan, but before the 12 week mark something else could go wrong, because we don't know at what stage the last pregnancy stopped growing. We know I miscarried at 12 weeks, but they were unsure as to the timing of when it stopped forming.

Although I am actually feeling really positive, and I can't explain why, I just have a really good feeling about this pregnancy. My best friend said the same, last time we were both thinking something bad was going to happen, but this time its different, and we are very positive.

But the fact we are getting an early scan has slightly calmed my nerves a little. But as I have said a million times, I can't get my hopes up, all I can do it be as healthy as possible and do all the right things and give this our best shot and STAY POSITIVE no matter what.

Another development is that my best friend (who I don't think I have really mentioned much) is trying for a baby.

She started trying in January after my miscarriage - as it made her realise just how much she wanted one of her own, and she also thought she was pregnant around the same time, and was actually very upset when she found out she was not, again giving her the reasurrance that this is something she really does want.

Since then, I have been helping her, (Even though sometimes it was hard to deal with and talk about after my own loss, I love this girl n she would be happy for me no matter what) by advising her on timing and opk's and pre natels and such.

but sadly she has not had any luck, I know 4 months isn't long to be trying conventionally, but this lovely lady has some fertility problems, and after speaking with a consultant (she already had appointments about her ovaries and cycles before she was trying as she has NO cycles for years now) they refused to help her with fertility until she had been trying for a year.

Even then they said they would take a long time to do tests and guess cycles before putting her on something like clomid.

So basically it's not that she needs to have been trying for a year , because how can you try if you don't ovulate, it's that they needed her to WAIT a year.

So let's just say she was not in the best spirits.

Anyways as most of you probably know, there is nothing worse when you are trying for a baby, or having difficulties getting pregnant than your friends being pregnant, and even seeing strangers with their little babies.

So I felt just awful and guilty when she was telling me, n in tears and I could see her pain.

So I sucked it up n told her that we will sort it, and no matter what happens with either of us, WE WILL HAVE OUR BABIES!!

So we sat and talked and formulated a plan to get her on clomid earlier than the doctors will do, as that will solve the only problem she has...no ovulation! So in theory, should give her a cycle and an ovulation AND hopefully....a pregnancy!

 

Anyhow, it's all a complicated game, no matter what point of it you are at.

All me and my partner can do now, is hope and prey (something which I don't normally do as I'm agnostic, but have found myself doing more often) and keep our fingers crossed, and what is meant to be, will be!

Hopefully I will have good news in a few weeks after the scan, so I will update then.

:) Here's Hoping! - Rosebud x

BFP!!!!

Well the title says it all, but I will elaborate.

After the two week wait I was feeling sleepy, and slightly emotional still, and on Friday 29th of April I woke up and had no period!

So I was instantly excited, but cautious. I went about my morning and by the early afternoon nipped out to the shop to get a test and some bits and bobs!

I came home and tried to pee, but my body wouldn't allow it haha so I drank a full bottle of water and waited ten minutes.

After peeing and testing, I went to the kitchen, warmed up some lasagna for lunch and set the timer for over 3 mins....

Once the timer went off, I was so scared to go and look. 

I went to the bathroom and felt a huge weight over my body and felt as If I was moving in slow motion the entire time.

I looked at the test - expecting nothing like the test from early February or if I was lucky a VERY faint line like last time.

I was SO shocked when I saw a strong positive line!!!

It wasn't even morning time, when your urine is the strongest and best to test, and it was earlier than last time I tested - I was 4 days late last time and this time I was a few hours late with a stronger line.

I went into the living room to tell my partner, and simply said...."you must have super sperm because you've done it again!" and walked out to get my now celebratory lasagna! haha

He came in and gave me a huge hug n kiss n kissed my belly.

Since then, we have told my parents, and my best friend only. 

We had a meal with my partners family over the weekend but we decided not to spoil the occasion or to get their hopes up this early. However my (sort of) father in law was asking if we were trying again, and if he was going to be a Grandad any time soon. I simply said, yes we are and yes, we plan to make him a Grandad as soon as possible!

My parents were very happy and cautious and my best friend (despite trying for a baby herself with no luck) was very happy for us. I know how hard that must have been for her.

I don't think this has all sunk in with my partner properly yet, he is still acting as if it isn't happening and keeps saying, we're not there yet, or we don't need to worry about that yet. I think he is being very cautious and probably just the way he is dealing with everything.

I on the other hand am completely a mess.

I am counting the seconds until we get a scan.
Something which the midwife said we wouldn't be entitled to before the 12 weeks as having one miscarriage is not something that has a relevance with the next pregnancy, it doesn't automatically raise the chances of having another miscarriage. In fact getting pregnant within 6 months of a miscarriage or labour actually reduces the chance of miscarriage.


To elaborate on Anembryonic Gestation/Blighted Ovum/Missed Miscarriage I have the example here.

This show the top picture of an embryonic sac, without a fetal pole and/or yolk sac.

The bottom picture you can see the fetal pole/fetus and yolk sac.

At some point during an anembryonic gestational pregnancy the fetus stops growing, due to chromosonal issues it cannot overcome, and then disperses back into the gestational sac and your body may continue to think its pregnant, for me and many other with this condition until it is noticed near or at your first scan at 12/13 weeks.

This is what happened with me, and the top Image A is what my scan looked like.

However the statistics and midwife telling me that there is no reason for this to happen again doesn't stop me from thinking it is going to happen or being petrified of our first scan.

I am joining a community midwife service that we have in my area, and it means when I do have a scan It can be at a small clinic as opposed to the hospital again.

We have been looking at other options for early scans. We can pay and get an early pregnancy reassurance scan for £55 including a dvd of the scan! So that is definitely a possibility to help soothe my mind.

So for the next few weeks, I will be on pins, and praying to feel awful, because everyday I feel sick or tired or emotional I know I am still pregnant.

That's the thing last time, I didn't realise loss of pregnancy symptoms like nausea or cramps or overly emotional outbursts was a sign of Anembryonic gestation or early miscarriage, I just thought I was getting towards the 2nd trimester so I was feeling a bit better!

Anyhow, lets pray and cross our fingers that this is the one, this is it and by Christmas 2013 we will have our baby in our arms! Thats what were positively thinking, and just thankful for the opportunity to try again and that this has happened so quickly for us.

Please wish me luck :) - Rosebud x